By Brianna Wiest
Here’s some advice nobody will give you: not every one of your feelings needs to be acknowledged. Not everything needs to be felt. In fact, the way you get over anything is by forgetting and focusing on something else. There is an art in learning how to intentionally ignore the fuck out of something.
Sure, the point of experiencing discomfort is to reap a kind of wisdom that only it can provide. But what is the process after-the-fact? Forgetting. Ultimately, there comes a point in time when the answer is not to wallow or ruminate under the façade of “healing,” but to get the fuck over it.
Getting the fuck over it does not mean you ignore your feelings. They are not the same thing. Getting the fuck over it means I see you, emotion that could have the power to devastate me and paralyze me for the day, or week, or year. And I am choosing to put my energy elsewhere. It does not mean you suppress your feelings, it means you acknowledge them, but the compulsion to choose to breathe life and attention into them no longer controls you. You are liberated. You are free. The tonic for being emotionally broken is building mental strength.
There is no such thing as being “healed” or “unhealed.” The latter is an illusion, and we know this because the only difference between the two is what you think is true.
If you believe that your purpose in life is evolution and expansion, there is no back-and-forth, there is only forward. Reliving the same problem over and over again doesn’t mean you’re being “tested,” it doesn’t mean you haven’t learned enough, it means you haven’t chosen otherwise. You’re focused on the ruins, not building a new empire. You haven’t made your new line of thinking or way of being habitual. Your neurons aren’t rewired just yet.
How do you build strength? How do you get “healed,” if you want to think of it that way? You choose to act in spite of your discomfort. You choose to be someone new. You choose to think differently.
Peace is not arriving at the place where you are no longer emotionally destroyed by love. It is not becoming so calm that you can’t feel the weight of loss anymore. It is the place where you exert your liberty to place your energy in the direction of where you want to go. It is not about how frequently you experience discomfort, but how often you are able to choose to see it without being consumed.
You cannot transcend your way into not being affected by the big blows of life. You can only work your mental resilience to the place of being able to feel it without being destroyed by it, consider it without ruminating in it, and living through it rather than letting it live through you forever.