By Brianna Wiest
When someone has some kind of seemingly insurmountable issue (they can’t shake anxiety; can’t find the right relationship, etc.) it’s not because they are being haunted by a problem, it’s because they are in love with the problem. They believe it serves them in some way.
Being anxious and upset can be a defense mechanism (if you’re already broken, nothing can break you). Being the “funny single girl” whose punch line is always about how you’re in a relationship with wine would result in you losing part of the identity that’s rewarded you with so much comfort and praise and laughter if you actually opened your heart and found the right relationship. There’s a lot to lose, and sometimes, it doesn’t outweigh what you think you’ll gain.
It’s easier to be more in love with coping mechanisms than solutions. They’re more comforting in the moment, but more destructive in the long-term.
The best thing to do if you feel like you can’t get over a problem is ask: Why do I love this? What do I think this does for me? Once you identify the need it is meeting, you can find another way to meet it.
You have to make sure you’re more in love with your life than you are with your problems.