By Vivian Kim
Lately, it seems like I’ve been at a constant battle with myself of feeling either life-bringing joy or unsettling discontentment. This unexpected tug-of-war-like process has brought me to an unsatisfying and hollow stalemate.
At the core of who I am, I find beauty in people, things, places very easily. This allows me to adopt a deep and exciting joy about (what seems like) practically the whole universe and all within. From being gently awakened by the melodies of songbirds to entertaining instantaneous, almost electrical, connections with once-strangers, I am easily captivated by the mysteriously purposeful ebbs and flows of life.
There are times when I think about the brokenness of the world and get caught up in a seemingly abyssal sadness. My heart breaks at the sound of tragedy and my soul aches for people I do not know. I feel defeated and ultimately lose myself in a depressing and endless spiral of worry, hopelessness, emptiness.
But, somehow, someway, I find myself again. After falling asleep for countless nights to the familiar sounds of my own exhaustion – captured in disheartened groans, unexpected tears, the rising and falling sighs of a broken spirit – I wake up, one morning, to an especially delicate combination of soft, warm light and complementing shadows; or I wake up to the secret of the morning – an intimate and rare stillness characterized furthermore by an inexplicable and seemingly buzzing peace. And I feel better.
Such moments quite immediately heal me. I am made aware of the numerous blessings around me. I completely forget, at least for a while, the destructive emotions I had formerly given myself over to. Instead, I become overwhelmed with a relieving freedom–that although there may be bad in this world, there is also good. And, most likely, when you finally notice it, the good, in its often simple brilliance, shines radiantly through the bad.
For, as we all know, where there is light, there is no darkness.