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By Briana Bell

Sometimes our sorrows lie in the jealously and the absent thoughts of the ungratefulness we exude. From the thoughts of what we do not have and less of the thoughts of all of the blessings that we do have.

Sometimes we need to rest in the times of solitude and ungratefulness and jealously and resentment. We need to bathe in these times and wallow in them to fully accept and recognize that they are apart of us. They are pieces of our mind our subconscious that are so commonly disregarded, set on fire and shamed for even coming up.

Sometimes we do need to wallow in those disparate times, maybe those thoughts are justified in a single moment of time. They are your inner self speaking to you in the most important way. You need to listen to this because if you try to remedy this feeling for another one that is deemed more “acceptable”, it will not let you see the reality of your being, the way you are, and what you are actually missing.

Seeing the grass as greener on the other side and emitting jealously is simply your want to be fulfilled in those aspects in your life. It is what you need and want in your own life, but these thoughts seem to have a negative effect when you look at others who have the exact things that you are missing from your life. These feelings are not wrong, but a guide to what will make you whole. It is what you want and need and crave to make yourself better.

Immerse yourself in all these feelings so that you can reach the epicenter—the root cause— without coming up for air too soon. You will begin to understand yourself and everyone around you. The moment you start to feel that these problems, difficulties and “negative” or unjustified feelings are there, immerse yourself in them completely; whether it be happy or sad or confused because this is the key to truly understanding yourself.

I have had to endure times when I care nothing about myself and times where I am completely selfish. I have reach times where I am completely humble and times where I am self-righteous. I have reached times where I am overly outgoing and times where I am as silent as as mouse. I have to reach both extremes of myself to understand me.

Sometimes I immerse myself in them to my own detriment, but this is the way that I can find the equilibrium of feeling these feelings and thinking these thoughts. Next time I want to understand myself and really feel the realness of my feelings, I will immerse into them, letting them take over me completely —but also knowing when to come up for air. Knowing when to come back up and when to sink back down is vital. This act of experiencing both extremes helps me to understand myself and to reach balance, because without it, I will never truly understand myself and what I need.

This seems to be a common theme with many things in my life. I could most definitely tread water on the surface without sinking down or lifting up completely. But, what really leads to self discovery is experiencing both extremes of physical self and my conscious awareness. One moment, I may look like a wreck stuck in an emotional induced depressive coma, and the next I’m flying my highest frolicking in the effervescence of my jubilant happiness. This is the way I am able surf the many waves of my subconscious to their entirety. Without it, I will not truly know myself and will falter again and again in learning how to reach equilibrium and balance.

Because the most important thing we are continually trying to achieve is equilibrium, balance, and coming back to center—because this world and our feelings are inherently out of balance, and this is reflected in our emotions, bodies, collective conscious and we need to find the equilibrium once again.

Image: Daniel Pietzsch


Briana Bell: Wanderer of the world, lover of nature, avid foodie, and passionate writer that just wants to travel and change the world one thought, word, and smile at a time. Read more at her blog, check out her portfolio, and follow her on Twitter

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