By Matt Hearnden

“This isn’t who I am. But that’s who I’ve been. I don’t want to do that any more.”

These were my thoughts after I was caught stealing and fired from my job.

It’s not true that it takes some major event for you to become more self-aware. But you can certainly use major events to do so.

The reason I so quickly accepted that I’d been someone that I wasn’t was because the person I was being was causing me pain.

I knew that already. But being caught stealing and fired brought it to my attention in a way that I wasn’t going to ignore.

I couldn’t believe I’d been this person. And I couldn’t believe that I’d convinced myself to believe it was ok to be this person.

A person who stole things and blamed it on boredom.

A few years back I was on a course and someone asked the following to the trainer:

“What’s like… the ONE technique… the ONE thing… to just… really, finally change?”


“There is no fucking technique.”

And he’s right.

If there was a technique then everybody would really, finally change.

The only “technique” is listening to yourself.

That thought I had:

“This isn’t who I am. But that’s who I’ve been. I don’t want to do that any more.”

I knew I’d been being someone I wasn’t. But knowing wasn’t enough.

I had to know, yes.

And then I had to accept.

And then I had to do something different.

I didn’t like what had happened, and who I’d been, but I accepted it. I accepted it because I wanted to change. Because I didn’t want any more pain. Because, somewhere in me, I knew that if didn’t accept that thing I didn’t like then I’d never change.

And changing was so much more important than staying the same.


Maybe it was less about changing and more about becoming.

Because I knew that’s who I wasn’t so somewhere in me, somewhere I rarely listened to, I must’ve known who I was. At least some of who I was.

What would happen if you listened to yourself? What would happen if you listened to the real you instead of the you that you think you should be? What would happen if you asked yourself the questions you don’t want to ask yourself and you actually answered them honestly?

I think you already know who you are.

Don’t you?

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