By Leigh Reynolds

There are many things that can go wrong in life, things that can threaten our happiness, or even survival. We can lose a job, endure an illness, experience a natural disaster. Though poverty is objectively more difficult to work through than a dissolved three-month relationship, we are more hurt, more obsessed and more desperate to understand and master our relationships to others – particularly romantically – more than almost anything else. Do you know why this is?

Your relationship to others is a mirror to yourself. The concept of desiring the “big, fairytale love” is a projection of how much love you want from yourself. When you struggle with someone’s behavior, you’re subconsciously suppressing it yourself. It is not a coincidence that we are all so profoundly alike and that the most defining and crucial aspect of life is how we relate to ourselves and others. It is all one, as are we.

Yet, when we do not recognize this, we live in separation. When we disassociate from other people, we disassociate from ourselves. When we disassociate from ourselves, we judge and determine what is acceptable to feel, and what is not. This is the cause of most emotional turmoil, because like a ball held underwater, what is suppressed must rise to the surface. Yet, if something we deem “unacceptable” rises within us (because we’ve deemed it unacceptable when it arises in someone else) we end up going to war with ourselves, rather than just letting the emotion pass.

If you want to know something about yourself, look at what you dislike about other people. If you want to know everything about yourself, look at what you love about other people. It is our window into ourselves, and the most divine magic of this supernatural world. What exists without, is also within. There is nothing you don’t carry. If you accept everything, you are always at peace. If you accept everything, you can create the change you’re trying to make by disassociating and suppressing.

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